this might be the last entry about gender i ever write (maybe)

because i'm cis. i'm not nb, i haven't really ever been nb. i'm not entirely
sure why i was convinced i was? if i had to guess (and i might be wrong) it's
that i had trans friends who i trusted the judgement of and kinda, "admired"
isn't the right word but something like that. i say i'm definitely not because
the whole time i thought i was nb i was thinking about gender a lot. always very
confused and uncertain about things and nothing felt quite right. i think even
when i was gendered as masculine, i, like, forced myself to think about it a
certain way cuz i thought it's how i was supposed to. but ever since i decided
yeah no i'm cis, all those thoughts just, kinda stopped. i really don't think
about gender anymore. and i think that's the biggest possible indication that i
figured myself out lol. it was a really weird path but i mean i came out of it
knowing myself better than i otherwise would lol so that's cool. but i feel
satisfied with where i've ended up here.