i just want to exist without feeling the responsibility to need to do anything
more.

and i wish i could get there without continuously creating new responsibilities
and expectations for myself.

not that it isn't imposed partially by others, it absolutely is, but then i keep
the cycle going.

i just wish i could, be. but i'm not there yet. i've never really been there. i
can't remember a single time in my entire life where i haven't been chasing some
ideal to live up to how i really *should* be. it follows that i've not once in
my entire life felt that i'm actually enough.

and i'm really feeling the effects of that.