here i lie awake in bed, with my roommate loudly watching tiktoks at 7am. why
not just tell him to shut the fuck up and stop being an obnoxious asshole? i
probably would if it weren't for the fact that there's like a week left, and i
kinda wanna make it through without ever talking to this guy ever again. maybe
i'm being stupid idk, i would've been asleep hours ago if i wasn't with this
dipshit

anyways uhhhh other than this i haven't really been feeling super emotional.
which is absolutely a good thing! actually i was outside yesterday, just walking
back from getting food i think, and contemplating, like, for the most part my
life has been pretty uninteresting, i'm kinda just, going through the motions,
but yet, at that moment, i didn't *feel* like i was just going through the
motions. i felt Alive in a way that i sometimes don't. just thought that was
mildly interesting.

speaking of times when my life isn't uninteresting and i'm not just going
through the motions, i finally got to meet online friends in person a few days
ago! (there's literally no reason for me to keep any of them anonymous lol i
know they wouldn't care at all but again reality log anonymity thing or
whatever, i'm gonna stick with it) it was fun, and also an Adventure getting
there, it was my first time going on such a long journey alone and i had *no
idea* what i was doing lmao, i was completely clueless and i think it was
probably very obvious to the people around me, not that i really care or
anything it's just kinda funny. kinda a miracle i didn't get stranded in the
city. though i *did* lose my wallet on the way there, luckily it was VERY early
on and someone else at WPI found it and contacted me to give it back so i kinda
lucked out there, also lucked out with the fact that i had money on me outside
of my wallet so i had no issue with public transit or anything. as for the
actual being with friends in person thing, i think it went well. at first i was
kinda reserved just cuz i felt a bit awkward but as the day (and night lol) went
on i opened up more and i think it was fine. i mean, like, i can overthink it
all i want but i'm gonna overthink it no matter what happens, i'm always gonna
have feelings of "oh i bet actually they hate me and i somehow made a fool of
myself or did something bad" but like there's no getting around that, and tbh i
think it went well and we all had a good time. speaking of anxiety, tbh there
was a LOT of it before i got there, just on the way there. i think part of it
was just, like, damn i really don't want to fuck anything up with these people,
i was worried about first impressions since this was the first time they had
seen or heard me before (and vice versa) so that was a little terrifying, and i
don't care too much if it's strangers or people i'm not really friends with
(that's why i'm not mortified by the whole not having a clue what i'm doing on
my way to/from thing, like i embarrassed myself but i'm also never gonna see any
of those people ever again and none of them will remember me so it doesn't
matter at all) but also just anxiety for being social in general, it all
compounds and boom a stress sandwich served nice and fresh from your local
mentally unstable brain. anyways that's a long way to say met people, went well
i think, was good time, but also that being said holy hell it's a long journey,
i wasn't expecting it to be so long, and like tbh that's the type of thing that,
yeah it's cool i did it once but it's not something i really enjoyed lol. worth
it for this one time and if there's opportunities in the future to meet up again
where it's a shorter journey i probably will but yeah still. also cyon (i think
that's how you spell it) is really cute and i love him, like i love all dogs but
this one is easily one of my favorites

ok uh time to trying to sleep while trying to drown out the noise of my
roommate, did i mention i kinda don't like him very much yeah