1. it's kinda funny how some days i think "wow i hate living so much i am going
to contemplate ending my own life" and then other days i'm like "hm Living is
pretty neat i should try Living more often". emotions are funny. it's always
just a roll of the dice

2. i just now realized this but i kinda put pressure on myself to be productive,
and whenever i don't get much done i kinda treat it as a failure of myself. not
super explicitly either, like i don't really notice i do it, but i think in the
back of my mind i do treat it as a Bad Thing to not get a lot of stuff done.
right now i'm just outside and taking in the scenary and i'm gonna do my best to
let myself do that right now, without any other expectations for myself