so i have this HUGE burst of motivation for generic tetromino game, which is,
actually very bad because i have other stuff i need to do. like, tomorrow i need
to REALLY focus on school work, i can't get distracted. basically i have an exam
so im gonna cram some studying (aka learning everything we did in class cuz i
couldn't pay attention in the lectures) and like, hopefully not fail? i mean it
could go either way, idk. i have physics homework that i need to complete by
friday since i put it off until now, and i have an essay i need to write. the
essay technically i can get in by monday cuz the professor is super nice and
great but i feel like putting it off to the weekend (when i'll be at home) is a
very bad idea, so i'm gonna do everything in my power to not do that. anyways
kinda wish i had this tetromino motivation for other stuff. i mean, i wrote
yesterday i wish more people cared, and just today someone posted something on
fedi of the game with celeste sound effects which was really nice lol, despite
not having played celeste (need to get on that) i really enjoyed it. i assume
they just replaced the sound effect files with their own but still, it was nice
:) it kinda kickstarted the motivation (mainly cuz i fixed the segfault bug they
told me about) and yeah, i feel like i actually do care a lot about, like,
attention, as much as i wish i didn't. i shouldl say that, there's two parts to
my mood, it's the general trend / depression stuff, and just small stuff
throughout the day, sometimes they link up and affect each other but often
they're just separate. so if im feeling super depressed nothing is gonna make me
feel happy but also if i'm feeling alright it takes a lot to make me feel super
awful, it's just small things separate from that where sometimes i feel bleh or
i feel really good about something, i feel like this maybe makes sense? point is
obviously getting attention or whatever isn't gonna make me not depressed when i
am but it's still really nice and i like it and i kinda selfishly want it to
happen more often, again i wish i didnt like attention so much but it feels
really nice so idk. i try to reciprocate it sometimes? but maybe i should do a
better job of that if i want others to do the same for me, idk. like, whenever i
get a fedi notification, no matter what it is, it's a dopamine boost, and maybe
that's not healthy lol but i feel like it's not a big deal tbh, at least not
right now. as for school, i think my plan is to finish up this year doing
everything i can to pass everything, then re-assess. cuz rn, i have no clue.
which is to say, right now i feel like i kinda wanna stay but also a few days
ago i felt literally the EXACT opposite, that id made up my mind that i want
out. so i don't trust myself to make any decisions right now. it's a stressful
time so maybe if i unwind a bit and recollect i'll be able to be more sensible.
or maybe not who knows, anyways i should sleep cuz i wanted to wake up early
tomorrow but we'll see what happens there