something something mood swings lol. theyre so dumb. like less than a week ago i
was having genuine thoughts of killing myself, and now im like, feeling fine.
not like, super happy everything is perfect or anything, but i'm feeling okay.
which is weird and also unsettling because the lows always find their way back,
and i never really know when to expect them, and they always seem to come back
worse than before. i guess it's good they don't last a super long time? but also
it would be nice if my mood was like, consistent, at all.

completely unrelated but i often-ish get the urge to read what other people are
feeling/doing/whatever, similar to how i use the reality log (and to an extent
fedi) but there's not many other places to look, and the places i do know about
don't update super frequently, which is fine but eh. i also feel super
self-conscious on fedi whenever i post about generic tetromino game, cuz like,
that's literally all i post and i swear i have a personality outside of this
lmao and i think some people are getting kinda tired of it, but i just get kinda
excited and want to show off what ive been working on. like im dangerously close
to failing my classes this term and *this* is what i have to show for it, and
frankly im damn proud of what i managed to make here, it's not like, a super big
cool awesome great thing, but idk, it's mine, and i'm proud of it and i want to
be able to be proud of it without feeling guilty for being proud of it, but i
also like sharing it and ideally people kinda caring. like realistically when i
implemented the modding API i wasn't actually expecting anything to change with
regard to the (lack of) attention the game was getting, but deep down a small
part of me thought hm it would be super sick if others created and shared mods
for the game. and yeah that's not happening and i pretty much expected that, but
still a bit disappointing. to be clear i don't think this is actually affecting
my mental state, like, at all lol (thing i wrote a bit back about how most of
what i talk about just doesn't matter) but i wanna write about this, idk why,
just do, so here i am

also did a bit of stuff on madeline today (and by a bit i mean very little, but
more than nothing), so i guess looking back it was productive. i got a bunch of
hw done, attended all my classes, woke up at a reasonable hour, did tetromino
work, and did some tiny stuff for madeline. that's, huh that's a lot i guess. is
this how normal people operate, just, every day? maybe minus some of the
tetromino stuff? if i can keep this up for the next 2-3 days i'm set (that's a
big if)