reading old entries is such a trip lmao, i kinda like it. like i started this in
august and ig it's been a while (time flies i guess) but it really hasn't been
*that* long, but it's still like a glimpse into my past self. i never really had
anything quite like this and i kinda like it. like,

"life is just a series of tasks. tasks that need to be completed. and i hate it.
im tired of it but it just doesnt stop and theres never a break"

holy hell thats just, it kinda goes hard lmao that's all. like i still pretty
much 100% agree with that statement but how much i really resonate with it
depends pretty much entirely on how i'm feeling. and since i'm not feeling too
bad rn it doesn't resonate super hard, despite still being super relatable.

story time i guess: when i was 11 years old i made a video to be watched by
myself when i turned 16, so like, a 5 years into the future thing. i locked it
away so i wouldn't reopen it until my 16th birthday. and it worked. on my 16th
birthday i found the video and i watched it. and tbh i really dont remember,
like anything that the video had. i think i mightve lost the video at this point
tbh. but it wasn't really, like, a time capsule in the way i hoped it'd be. it
was a quick thing, a minor glimpse into the past, but nothing i wouldn't be able
to get in other ways from looking at other stuff from that time period
(something something identity?). but regardless i recorded another video,
another thing for 5 years in the future, to be watched when i turn 21. tbh i
think i lost this video as well lol, but even if i didn't lose it, i honestly
don't think i'm gonna watch it. just because, i really don't care that much.
like, i don't think im gonna realistically get much out of it. it's the same
energy as when in elementary school you would write letters to yourself in the
future and then when you graduate you're delivered the letters and it's like,
wow, i could not care less what 10-year-old me has to say here. there's just,
not much substance. like it's a cool/novel idea, but that's about it. in
practice it's kinda boring. the only real thing is does is cements that time is
a thing that exists and is passing constantly lol. like i vaguely remember
writing these letters to myself and thinking that graduation is just so far
away. like unthinkable amounts into the future. (which makes sense, i mean, at
10 years old, it's like living through your entire life up to that point almost
twice, so yeah it is a super long time). but then, it just, happens. idk i dont
want to sound cliche about the whole thing where time flies and blip there
everything goes, just like that you look back and wonder everything went, cuz i
hear that a lot from people and i kinda internally roll my eyes when i hear it
just cuz it's cliche, and at least in the moment time isn't flying by super fast
(well, it depends, sometimes it is, recently it kinda has been but i think
that's just how it is sometimes). where am i going with is i completely lost
focus bye lol