hi hello i just ate. and i'm back at college that's cool. i mean ok, as much as
i've been dreading coming back, i kinda feel ready to be back? like it's fine,
it just feels... right. not that i'm super happy or thrilled about it, but it's
what's happening. that being said... as soon as i returned i started instantly
feeling more depressed. i'm gonna try to not draw any conclusions just yet
because it's honestly most likely just a fluke. but it's something to watch out
for i guess. also like everyone else in the house came back and everyone is
immediately very outgoing and socialable and i just kinda want to hermit away
but also i simultaneously want to do things and communicate. tbh i think i want
just a close connection, and not, like, a party. i also already miss my cat lol.
speaking of close connections, i stayed the night with my friend for what will
probably be the last time in a while, since she's moving next month and i won't
be back in town before she does. which sucks but also it was a nice "last" time.
we reminisced about good times we had, specifically over the summer when we
first became super close friends. i had lots of super fond memories about it and
especially the minecraft server we used to play on, i'm super nostalgic for
because of the memories i associate with it. the late night discussions we had
and how personal they got. it was really nice. and she felt exactly the same way
and like that was just really nice to hear. it was super nice and a great way to
end things. again i keep saying "last" time and "end" things when obviously
we'll still be in touch and hell we'll probably see each other in person at some
point, but it still feels like an end in some ways. i'm gonna miss her. so yeah
hopefully things go alright this term and i don't fail any classes; i've already
emailed my professors to introduce myself and let them know im gonna be
attending their office hours every week or so just so there's a system in place,
i'm gonna keep trying to wake up at 9:30 everyday, i brought back some food so
there's more variety in my diet and it's healthier than it was, so hopefully all
of this helps. i'm simultaneously ready and ""excited"" (not the right word but
whatever) and also depressed and dreadful. not sure what i am actually feeling.
it's alright though. kinda want to do more hare stuff. my energy for generic
tetromino game is running out (not necessarily a bad thing, just gonna probably
take a break from working on that, which is fine cuz it's pretty damn good
already) ALSO SPEAKING OF TETRIS when i got back i thought wouldn't it be funny
if i turned on the TV and it worked. so i did it not actually expecting it to
turn on and it... did. it just fucking turned on lmfao. so i can play on my
actual NES again. at least for now, i don't expect it to stay alive for long.
but i played actual NES tetris and holy fuck there's MUCH less input delay than
even my clone had. my clone is absolutely playable, but the timings are all
different. i think when i get the motivation to do so i'm going to get rid of
the 2 frame input delay on my clone and just have it read inputs the same frame
it receives them, since tbh the delay difference feels like around 2-3 frames or
so. hopefully that will make a difference there. also cuz i kinda prefer my
clone to the original in all other regards just because of the extra features.
like, being able to start a new game immediately after you top out, being able
to set the speed to 5/6 for practicing level 19, hard dropping, the extra stats,
it's just... better. and yeah i'm tooting my own horn here i think i kinda
deserve it cuz i made something pretty damn cool. (my friend who i talked about
earlier here was the one who told me like hey give yourself fucking credit this
is cool as fuck, OWN it, so i'm trying to do that cuz she's right). back to the
hare thing, i want to contribute more to that, so i'll probably hopefully send a
couple more patches tonight, or maybe just one patch who knows i just hopefully
want that number to not be zero, unless i get caught up with something else.
like i randomly decided it would be cool to make a text editor so i started
working on that but i don't think i'm gonna make a huge amount of progress
there. or also i might read through old reality log entries; i kinda want to
contextualize how i'm feeling rn and that might maybe help? or it might not at
all, just kinda want to do it cuz i've never re-read any of my old entries. OH
ALSO one more thing, not sure how i feel about they/them pronouns. i told my
friend about that and we tried it out and it caught me a little off-guard
because i forgot about it and she didn't lmao (which is really nice though), i
don't dislike it but it's also not a super obvious "yeah this is right" thing.
also something something gender and pronouns are different and all that. ok
thats all