ok fine something else entirely unrelated. that irc thing i want to be active in
and i just havent, yeah. it's gotten to the point where it's not that i feel
like i don't belong or awkward sending anything, or that i shouldn't, but moreso
that i'm worried about the committment to the social interaction, which when i
write it out i don't think makes sense. but like oftentimes i dont want to talk
to people, i just want to send a remark about something random, or a tidbit of a
thing. there's one person in the channel who will very frequently just send
random messages about random things she's doing or interested in or whatever and
like i really respect that and think it's cool af, i also have a tiny group chat
with some friends where i do something similar (cuz i'm the only one who's
really super active in it lmao), but the difference is neither of them is super
techy so there's some things i feel like i can't really send (tbh it's sad to
say but i think we're drifting apart, we've been friends since like 4th grade
holy shit that's a long time, and we were best friends for a little while, but
our interests and personalities are diverging which is normal but still a bit
sad), and also they, much like me, have short attention spans so i know that if
i send super long things they likely won't be read (case in point, a while back
i stayed up late doing a fuck ton of research about the MLP fandom, it was one
of those rabbit holes that once i started down it i just couldn't stop and it
went deep, so i sent a fuck ton of stuff and i wake up in the morning to
something like "i'm not reading that what's the tldr" which is honestly a
completely reasonable thing to say to an entire screen's worth of text on
literally anything, and i don't know where i'm going with this actually). mainly
i just send random hyperfixations and siivagunner high quality rips (i think i
have to cool it with those, i send a lot of them lol). where was i going with
this? right i think i would probably fit right in with this other channel and
idk why i dont talk more often. like, i know im welcome and i know i can
basically bring up literally anything but i just don't... want to? like it's not
even a "i should do this why am i not doing this", it's moreso just a constant
"eh i'll do it later", like (fuck there's a big word to describe this that i'm
forgetting) i'm just uninterested, which sounds bad but idk how else to describe
it. hasn't even really been in the back of my mind that much, and im fine with
just reading through the conversations being had, as much as participating would
be cool. also i should play celeste lmao that's something that's brought up a
lot and probably for good reason, it seems like a very fun game. ok gn