rejection sensitivity's a bitch lol. i never really acknowledged this until now,
but like, huh i guess having a mini panic attack every time i get a reply to a
patch i sent isn't a normal thing that people do. not that i have a problem with
receiving feedback on a patch, but for some reason i always get worried that
people will see less of me or not like me, which i honestly shouldn't even
really care this much about but i do and i cant help it. it's not helped by the
fact that one time in the past i actually did get on drew's nerves. that was
with the patch that changes io::close to return an error, i had to rebase it
several times and everytime i did it still wouldnt apply and there were other
patches of mine that came after it so those didn't apply either, and drew ended
up lashing out at me about it. er, not sure if "lashing out" is even the right
way of putting it, because through plain text it's very difficult to judge
emotion, and it seemed like half misunderstanding and half drew overreacting and
getting worked up, but still it kinda hurt, and put me off from sending anything
for a day or two before we got things settled between us. drew definitely
doesn't even remember this, again most likely i misunderstood intent here and
just assumed the worst, which i do very often, but still. all of this is a
long-winded way to say that i get stressed out about what others think of me,
specifically with patches i send, something something rejection sensitivity,
idfk im tired i should be sleeping good night