today was a shitty day, i guess. i think i didnt write an entry yesterday? so
lets start there. my birthday was on the 2nd, and it was nice cuz people in the
house remembered my birthday somehow, lol. i guess its easier for 18 people to
remember a birthday than 1 person so it kinda makes sense. no big party or
anything at all really, just a "happy birthday" from everyone and that was that,
which tbh was nice, i wasnt expecting more and i dont need any more than that.
it was just a nice gesture. my birthday was uneventful tho, didnt really do
anything. which is fine, mellow day, not a shitty day or anything, just not
notable. today i also woke up late, much like i did yesterday, and i had a hard
time even getting up honestly, just cuz i didnt really want the day to start ig.
but time keeps ticking so i got up past 3 and all that. that is to say, i missed
my classes lol, cuz one of them was virtual so i didnt have to show up and the
other one i fucking hate and i can just watch it online which i may or may not
get to at some point so whatever, if i fail i fail im just fucking tired i dont
even care anymore maybe im not cut out for college. shit im going off topic,
anyways today was mellow-ish but then i had work i need to do that i
procrastinated and i couldnt fucking get myself to do it and now im just
admitting defeat. im capable, i know im fucking capable, i just dont have the
energy. i used the energy on nothing and now its all gone. i went to do my
laundry but last time i did it i left the laundry detergent downstairs where the
machine is accidentally but figured whatever there was other detergent there so
it wasnt a big deal, but i go back down and its just... gone, so i had to get
someone else to let me borrow theirs which they kindly did cuz they're very
nice, but then idk what was going on with the washer but everything came out
smelling a little weird, its not really noticable on most things and im too
tired and exhausted to care at this point. the one thing its really noticable on
are my sheets and comforter, which are like, the things i sleep with, so fucking
whatever. and to top it all off, i lost my pillow case. i dont know how that
happens. i put it in the wash, i think i took it out and put it in the dryer,
took it out and brought it back upstairs to my room, and now its just fucking
gone. i checked everywhere, drawers, the path i took back to my room, the
machines themselves, it just fucking disappeared so im sleeping on a bare
caseless pillow tonight. i want to say "tomorrow is a new day" but like that
assignment i gave up on isnt gonna fucking do itself, im not gonna magically get
my grade up in my classes, i had like mid 70s in both classes last i checked and
i feel like they've gone down since then and i know im better than this but
clearly something isnt working. when i called my parents on my birthday i lied
to them and said everything is going great because what the fuck else am i
supposed to say. idk im tired and exhausted like i said and i honestly am just
done with things. if i cant get the shit done that i need to then im just gonna
go to bed, cuz clearly i need something to go my way and maybe getting a good
nights sleep will help me wake up early and show up to some classes or
something. hm maybe tomrrow if i wake up early ill have time later in the day to
call my friend that ive been meaning to call, she's probably my closest friend
and a few days ago i texted her just pouring my heart out and venting because
things sucked and i was feeling depressed and scared about things and she was so
supportive and helpful, and like ive done the same with her in the past (helped
her with her struggles and shit) and idk we vibe, and ever since ive been a
college boy we havent really kept in touch as much as i think either of us would
have wished so im gonna try to make that happen. yeah ok lets end on that note
so its not ending on "life sucks" and everything is shitty, whatever sure ok bye