i have a strong motivation to write today, however i do not have anything in
particular i would like to write about. so uhhhhhhhhhhhh lemme just come up with
something quick: uhh loneliness is a self-perpetuating cycle, since being lonely
is exhausting and so you need to be alone to regain your energy but then you
realize ur on ur own alone instead of with others which makes u more lonely and
it repeats. or maybe that's just me lol. kinda funny actually, ive been thinking
like, i wonder if ill ever look back at any of this stuff i wrote and see things
more clearly, like, how stupid could i be for not noticing sooner? like there's
gotta be something there. thats of course if i ever reread this stuff, which
realistically i never will, and that's fine cuz im pretty much treating this as
a write-only medium. god its painful to have motivation to write but nothing to
write about, story of my life basically lol, perpetually bored yet nothing will
quench the boredom, and boredom feels physically painful. actually i wonder, so
i experience boredom more strongly than neurotypicals, or do i just experience
it more frequently, or both? cuz i kinda assumed up until now it was a stronger
harsher feeling, but tbh i think it might just be that i experience it all the
time. you'd think i'd get used to it by now but no it still hurts lmao, ouch oof
owie. last thing, it's kinda nice having party-animal housemates, especially cuz
the soundproofing in this house is really fucking good. cuz like i can just go
down and have a good time and whenever im done i can just come back up to my
dorm and then maybe go back down after a bit of time to relax, which like yeah
that's kinda the best of both worlds tbh. ok that's all i can't think of
anything else bye